Scar of a Lifebond
by Breezefire
Summary: Parnit has had one lover for 10 years, but they are not lifebonded. Suddenly, he meets his lifebonded, and he must make a decision of which relationship he must break. Chapter 3 up. Complete!
1. Scar of a Lifebond

A/N: One-shot angsty write.  There is a couple like Silverfox Firesong (in love, not lifebonded) in this story, yet one meets their lifebonded and makes a decision.

Takes place during a space of time just a bit before Selenay.  It doesn't make a huge difference to the story.

Updated: 6/18/04 changing Kertin from a page to a servant on Cat McDougall's excellent advice…no other changes.

**Scar of a Lifebond**

A middle-aged, buff soldier stared down at the maps of Valdemar yet again, fingering one of his many scars.  His thoughts began to drift away from his job and duty, and towards other topics.

_Even Karse_ _isn't attacking us, and yet every day we have to attend another fruitless meeting on "strategy!"_

As one of the Lord Marshal's many bustling assistants, this former officer in the Guard, Parnit, begrudged the time constantly spent strategizing and pondering the total peace that had come over Valdemar and all of the surrounding nations.

In fact, Parnit begrudged every mark spent away from his love, Tarnel.  The Lord Marshal and his entourage had returned solely a moon ago, and Parnit was eager to spend more time with Tarnel, whom he had missed.  Neither had much free time, both busy with their duties around the Palace.

_Maybe tonight, we can find some time together…_

Parnit quenched the thought down, attempting to concentrate on the maps in front of him.  Failing miserably yet again, his thoughts drifted to lifebonding.  The shaych lovers were not lifebonded.  They were so close, the Lord Marshal's Herald offered to check whether there was a lifebond, eight or so years ago.  The two did not truly understand what a difference it could make, yet they accepted the offer.  To no avail-there was no bond deeper than the one of their mutual affection. 

Parnit believed that a lifebond was similar to his current affection for Tarnel, just it sprung up instantly.  Parnit had been with Tarnel for almost ten full years now, and it took all of that time for the two lovers to fully know each other's souls.  They had gone through many moons together, watching the seasons flit by, and they loved each other deeply. 

Parnit's thoughts suddenly drifted aimlessly, sinking down into a pair of deep ivy colored, green eyes, belonging not to Tarnel, but another.  Parnit almost shook his head vigorously to clear his mind.

_Why am I thinking this way?  What is wrong with me?_

A mysterious young man, wearing a servant's uniform, had the features which continually popped into Parnit's thoughts.  His chiseled face, gently shaped down to the sharp, pointed chin.  Parnit could visualize his eyes and soft, pale skin so clearly, as if he were standing right in front of him.

_But I love Tarnel!  I want to be with _him_ till the end of time, not this servant!_

The Lord Marshal, at long last, declared the meeting over, and the assistants left with relief.  Parnit, lost amidst his thoughts, walked briskly head down along the corridor until he bumped into the very man he had been thinking of.

_Not him!  Anyone but him!_

"You!" the servant exclaimed.  "I mean, I am Kertin, sir, at…at…" the servant suddenly seemed to stumble his words, staring avidly at Parnit's eyes.  The servant put out his hand, timidly, expecting it to be shunted aside or slapped.

Parnit took it.  The two met eyes, dark mahogany brown to deep emerald green, and a rush of emotions and a full joy rushed into his mind.

A solid, thick glowing strand of emotions seemed to gently connect itself to Parnit's mind, wrapping itself around his heart.  It pulsed gently with overwhelming feelings of love and joy.  Parnit felt as if he was softly floating on a cloud of air, the feelings alone lifting him up to the Havens.  His soul suddenly felt full, almost bursting, with the sudden sensation of full completion.  The outside of his soul and heart seemed to glow a soft, opaque white, with a gentle fiber of unvarnished, overwhelming love tying a knot tightly around his heart, filling him with sudden complete bliss.

Suddenly frightened, for no explicable reason, Parnit sprinted down the halls, attempting to get away from the servant and the inescapable bond which now filled his mind.  He could feel Kertin's thoughts, his love, his confusion in his own mind.  Parnit sprinted to the Lord Marshal's Herald, his old confidant, and burst open the doors, gaining energy from his overwhelming rush of emotions.

As soon as Parnit entered, he fell to the ground, his eyelids gently closing over his brown eyes and his lips curving into a soft, gentle, blissful smile, his face reflecting his emotions.

-- --

"Parnit!  Parnit!"  Weak words shook Parnit to wakeful awareness, the words growing louder and stronger as Parnit's mind recovered.

"Thank the Havens!" the Herald exclaimed.  "We didn't know when you were going to wake up!" 

Parnit remembered the events of the past day, the gentle bond at the bottom of his mind filling him again with pure unadulterated affection.  He rose from the floor, energy and strength filling him from the new, strong fiber surrounding his soul.  Parnit sat in a harsh, wooden chair, and relayed the day's events to the Herald, confused.

"Yes, yes," the Herald answered at the end.  "It fits perfectly.  This servant, this Kertin, is your lifebonded."

"Kertin?" Parnit answered, inadvertently fondling Kertin's name gently between his lips and his tongue.  "I am not in love with _him_!" Parnit denied the emotions rushing with strength into his mind.  He exclaimed, "I am in love with _Tarnel_, and not him!  I want…" Parnit faltered, feeling the completion of his soul and heart, but then continued, resolute.  "I want you to get rid of this bond."

The Herald was not surprised.  "I almost expected this from you, Parnit," the Herald responded.  "I must tell you, there _is_ a way to break this bond.  No one has ever wanted it done before…but we have done it, for other reasons.  It is not painless, though, and I truly do not want you to go through this."  The Herald stopped, examined Parnit, and finished, "He is truly the one meant for you, Parnit.  The Havens arranged it so."

"No," Parnit refused.  "I want Tarnel, and no other.  Not a silly mindless servant, who enchants me with this magic bond.  No.  Do it now."

"You may want to consider this more," the Herald told him, when Parnit interrupted.

"No.  I have been with Tarnel ten years," Partin's voice shook, his resolve at its breaking point, "and I will not break it for a momentary tryst," Partin responded, resolute.  His eyes shook, and the bond pulsed with another surge of strong, affectionate love.  Parnit closed his eyes briefly, treasuring his bond, but then stubbornly shook his head.  "Break it.  Now."

The Herald shook his head, reluctant, and then delved deep into his mind, beginning to bend and stretch the bond into two separate halves.

Parnit tensed in his chair, and then felt the endless pain. 

Parnit felt thousands of sharp steel knives piercing his skull, his mind reeling.  His heart pulsed faster, and then contracted, the sole strand of love being ripped from its surface.  Oblivious to the real world, he tensed and screamed, a single tear streaming softly down his cheek, followed by many.  His tanned, scarred skin turned white as snow, his eyes closing and his skin drawn tightly over sharp cheekbones and scars.

A final tug, and the sole strand broke into two.  Parnit began to scream, although he could not hear.  His soul felt empty, as though it would never again be filled.  Emptiness, loneliness.  Alone forevermore, left with only the shallow attempt at love from Tarnel, a shadow of the bond which had held Parnit within its grip for only a few marks.

The world turned black, to Parnit, emptiness alone left inside the sad remains of Parnit's body.  A final scream, and the remnants of the strong absolute bliss left, as did the pain.  Left only was the bare, blank shell of Parnit's soul, devoid of emotion.  Parnit could feel solely the ragged edge of what had been a stunning string of milky glass, filled with love.  Now there was a painful, sharp, deep wound, the remains of the now broken bond.

Parnit collapsed to the ground, sobbing, left with only the ragged edge of his lifebond.

The wound would heal, in time, but remaining were a scar and an emptiness which time would never heal.  Parnit continued his work at the Collegium, always alone, never complete.  Parnit and Tarnel split, an angry argument shadowing their lives.  Parnit was left with only the memories of completion and a rough, never-healing scar.

A/N: Couldn't think of a title…oh well.  I just read this over, and there may be some accidental similarities between this and Herald Kelsin's one shot _Broken_, which I read shortly after beginning this.  Sorry for any accidental similarities, if it is unintentionally very copycat-like similar I will write this again and replace it.  Sorry, Herald Kelsin!  I would have used Firesong and Silverfox instead of my imaginary characters, but they are both emotionally stable and wouldn't have reacted the way Parnit did…feeling empty, unconsolable, and alone, and I wanted this to be tragic.  I was in that mood.  Another chapter will eventually be posted.Done…posting now, please review if you got this far!

Wind to thy wings, Breezefire


	2. A Servant's Broken Bond

A/N: Another chapter of my original one-shot! If you noticed, I replaced the last chapter and changed Kertin from a page to a servant, because, as Cat McDougall pointed out, pages are children. Parnit is _not_ a child-stalker, so Kertin is now a servant instead. It fits well anyway. This chapter is Kertin in third-person, and most of it from his POV. Review responses are at the bottom of the page, because they're pretty long. Here's the chap!

**Chapter 2: A Servant's Broken Bond**

Kertin, a servant for the Palace and for Selenay, was pondering the puzzling recent changes in his life and romantic longings.

_I should have known I would make a great servant-I have been serving people all of my life, after all._

Kertin had recently moved from his slum to the Palace, desperately seeking any work. His old apartment had clung to Haven's high walls, like a small insect searching desperately for any heat or light from a more powerful animal. Knowing that he needed money, and fast, to pay for rent, he found the Palace and was hired quickly as a Cook's helper in the Palace Kitchen.

Kertin knew how to make simple food, but fancy gourmet food for the royal table was beyond his skill. The Cook was also suspicious and uncomfortable around Kertin, because Kertin was unique-he was shaych. The helpers would not talk to him, peering curiously at his back given the chance, and tripping him or knocking his side whenever the opportunity appeared.

_As if my love preferences should make a difference to anything!_

The servant was quickly transferred to Room Service, where he saw, just for a second, a person who he loved with an overwhelming sense of hopeless attraction.

_I remember it so well…_

_--Flashback--_

_The servant was wearing his newly pressed livery, silver and blue, in anticipation of his new job as Room Service in the Palace suites. He takes a silver embroidered tray, holding fine crimson wine and delicate glasses, to his first suite. He knocks timidly upon the door with his free hand, his metal ring producing a low clang against the fine wood of the Palace._

_The door swings open, revealing a middle-aged soldier, his dark tan skin home to a plethora of long, dry scars. The servant sees his deep, mahogany eyes for a brief instant, but then looks away, staring down at the delicate glasses while offering the tray quickly. _

"At your service, m'lord," _the servant, Kertin, murmurs, backing away from the door and quickly turning, sprinting towards the end of the hall._

"Wait! Stay!" _the mysterious soldier calls after the departing figure of the servant, the fleeting blue silhouette lost among a crowd, disappearing, returning for another tray._

_-- --_

"Kertin! Lost in your silly thoughts again, eh?" one of the supervisors called impatiently. "You are supposed to be serving the Lord Marshal's meeting, and they're almost done! Get to work!"

Kertin looked out the window, at the sun's position in the sky, and realized he was long overdue.

_I swear to the Havens, if they are already done I am _so_ dead!_

Kertin grabbed the first tray which came to his hands, and bustled out of the Servant's Hall, almost running towards the meeting. He saw a steady flow of people from the room, obviously leaving.

_Just wonderful.__ Another meeting I've missed… this is my third. My supervisor's going to have my head this time._

Kertin continued to move forward, hoping to put the tray down in the room and pretend that he _had_ reached the meeting on time, when suddenly he ran into someone, his tray clattering on the ground.

"I'm so sorry," Kertin murmured, looking up. "You!" he suddenly said, in shock. His love, the soldier, the one who had dominated his mind, he was there in front of him! "I, I mean, I am Kertin, sir, at…at…"

He could not continue, fumbling his words wildly when confronted with the mysterious scarred figure. On a sudden impulse, Kertin put out one hand, palm up, hoping for even a touch from his gorgeous love.

The soldier took it, and their eyes met. Kertin felt as if he was falling into the endless pools of amber, with streaks of deep brown, his reflection mirrored in the other's eyes. The strategist's eyes seemed to bore into Kertin's flesh, his mind, his very soul, the light amber of the soldier and crimson red of love imprinting themselves upon his brain.

Confusing, conflicting emotions ran through Kertin's head, the strongest overpowering joy and bliss. His heart was suddenly dominated by the soldier, Kertin's love growing ever stronger, until the mutual attraction almost controlled the shy servant, his lips curving into a sensuous smile, his eyes lighting up with the emotions darting back and forth within his skull. A gentle, opaque strand of pure love seemed to connect itself to the servant's heart in that moment, his heart pulsing along with the bliss coming from the smooth bond.

In confusion, Kertin shook his head, breaking the everlasting moment. The soldier broke away from their strong, friendly handshake and ran, Kertin now staring at the soldier's fleeting back. Kertin sat down, his hand unconsciously reaching out to the quickly fading figure of his love, as his mind shut down and his eyelids gently closed over his emerald eyes.

-- --

Kertin's vision returned to him, the dark black beginning to fade from his eyesight. He sat up and looked around in confusion.

"Kertin! You fainted, are you all right?"

Kertin nodded his head at the fellow servant, preoccupied with other matters. The tan soldier drifted back into his mind, and Kertin blinked, shocked.

_He looked at me as if he loved me, didn't he? _

Kertin's thoughts were all hopefully optimistic, until the other side of his brain took control.

_Why did he run away from you then, Kertin? Did he think you were stalking him? For goodness sakes, why would someone who works with the Lord Marshal fall in love with a lowly servant!_

Kertin shook his head at himself, remembering the strength of the love, the bond of mutual attraction cementing the two together for eternity.

_He _must_ love me. He will know I love him, and we can be together forever, with love I have never felt before cementing our relationship._

Kertin gently fingered, with his mind, the clear, glowing bond of love which coiled around and controlled his heart and soul. Gently, Kertin channeled all of his emotions down the join. Bliss, joy, love, and attraction were all channeled down the gentle opaque strand, the bond pulsing rhythmically with the strength of the emotions.

Kertin felt fear return through the bond, and a feeling of confusion. Again, Kertin pulsed his feeling of strong attraction and love down the opaque strand. Kertin laid back, confident and optimistic for the future, when suddenly, the bond tensed from terror and fear. Pain struck back, taking control of the formerly gentle bond, and lashed onto the unsuspecting servant's mind.

His heart felt as if it would split in two. Kertin's head reeled, his skull feeling stretched and broken. Kertin's body lashed out, yet his mind was unable to feel anything but the endless pain.

A long welt seemed to have imprinted itself upon Kertin's mind, in place of the gentle bond, the surface of his body writhing in inexplicable pain. His flesh felt as if it had been impaled upon a long board of sharp steel spikes, and then doused in ice cold water for good measure. Kertin was lost amidst the pain, his limbs feeling ripped from his body, his heart feeling sundered from his chest.

Kertin took a long ragged breath, put his head back, and screamed, a long shrill yell, and took another weak breath. Kertin could not hear his yells. Instead, he heard only the roaring in his ears, and the rushing, never-ending pain. Kertin's mind felt disconnected from his flesh, and grew weaker. Kertin slumped onto the ground; his skull hitting the gentle glass of a wine goblet, the glass breaking as shards scattered themselves around Kertin's empty body, devoid of active mind, heart or soul.

-- --

"Nothing is specifically wrong with the man," a Healer told the servants, puzzled, pointing to the limp body of the servant. "Our Mind-Healer says that his mind has entered a state of chaotic, warring emotions, and his brain is failing. It won't be long now. I'm sorry."

It took a full mark or so for Kertin to die, his soul lifted to the Havens on a cloud of the lonely sobs of one man, the scarred, grizzled soldier. The remnants of their strong link pulsed, faded, and broke, gone, leaving Kertin free to seek the Havens with the memories of a now broken bond.

-- --

A/N: One more chapter, I think, remaining, which is Parnit third-person again. I hope you liked this chapter, I wanted to get into the servant's skin. Sorry about the confusion with page/servant, I forgot that pages are children and I didn't want to make Parnit a child-stalker. Thanks to Cat McDougall for pointing that out! Here are the review responses which I neglected at the top of the page:

Wizard116: Thanks! I included what happened to the page (now servant), on your advice. Hope you liked the new chap!

Herald Kelsin: Thank you! Yeah, I noticed the bond breaking scene sounded a little similar to yours, but it was accidental, and the plot line is different, so...the page (now servant!) did go well with Parnit, didn't he? So sad that it just didn't work out, just because I was feeling in an angsty tragic mood. Hope you liked this new chap!

Cat McDougall: Thanks for the advice there. Completely accidental, and no, Parnit was not supposed to be a pedophile (I think that _is_ how you spell it). I changed it, I hope you liked it better now that there is no child-stalking!

Fireblade K'Chona: Glad you liked! I'm doing after with Parnit Tarnel next chapter. Sorry, you don't get to meet Tarnel this chapter, because I wanted to write the servant's…but next chap you will, I promise!

Vaches: Thanks, glad you thought it was good. I elaborated on the ending now, I just wanted to finish the first part of it there. Here is the something more to be said, hope you liked!

Wind to thy wings, Breezefire 


	3. Endings

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay between this chapter and the last one, I've had the idea in my head for a while but I couldn't get it down on paper. This is the end, it was supposed to be a one shot originally but I had to continue and elaborate. Oh, I got a couple of reviews last chapter saying that the Heralds would not have broken the bond without asking Kertin first. True, and a good point. All I can say is that even Heralds make mistakes, and that was the Lord Marshal's Herald's mistake, one that cost Kertin his life. And I needed it for the plot Here's the last chapter, review responses:

**Fireblade**** K'Chona:** Yeah, they wouldn't have broken the bond without asking the servant first, good point. However, I kind of needed Kertin to die, and that is just one of the Lord Marshal Herald's biggest mistakes. It did cost Kertin his life, Parnit survived because he had time for his mind to accept the loss and tense up, etc. Or at least, that's how I thought about it in the story. Hope you like the end!

**Lurks in Shadows: **Good point. Sorry about that...see my A/N or Fireblade's response for a long explanation, I'm feeling lazy. Very good point, though, which, I admit, I didn't consider when I wrote the chap. : ) Here's the end, I hope you like it!

**Herald Kelsin: **Thanks!!! Yeah, Kertin did have to die…otherwise they would both be alive, and dreaming of each other, and wanting each other, but they would never have the bond…yeah, he had to die. Sorry, at least Parnit's still alive!

**Wizard116:** Thanks. I hope you like this chapter just as much!

**Chapter 3: Endings**

Parnit returned to his suite, in a state of shock. Tears were crusted in gentle patterns on his cheeks, and his thoughts were dominated by one person and a set of clear emerald eyes.

_Why? Why did I have to choose to break the lifebond? Maybe we could repair it, replace it…_

Parnit then remembered that he had already asked the Lord Marshal's Herald to fix it. He had said that was not possible, and Parnit sobbed endlessly, his salty tears staining the table a darker brown. Parnit left, only a mark later, to head towards his own room, but it felt like eternity.

_If only I could be with the beautiful servant again…Kertin…what a beautiful name._

Parnit pulled open the door lightly, and entered the room. He saw a silhouette of a man in front of him, and the man turned. Parnit caught a glance at his face, with the sharp chin, rugged black hair, and dark brown, almost black eyes.

_Tarnel…he got off early today._

Tarnel walked up to Parnit, oblivious of the overwhelming grief dominating Parnit's thoughts and mind, and began to kiss him. Tarnel's tongue touched Parnit's lips, and Parnit obediently opened his mouth slightly. Their tongues met and brushed together lightly. Suddenly, Parnit jerked away from Tarnel, turning around and facing the wall.

"Tarnel, I can't do it. I can't…"

"I understand," Tarnel interrupted angrily. "For the last moon, your heart has not been in our relationship. Ever since that night we spent together, alone in our suite, you haven't been the same. Your eyes are always distant, your mind on something else. I can't do this anymore, Parnit! I can't!" Tarnel stamped his foot angrily at the ground and glared at Parnit, challenging him to respond.

_I gave up my lifebond…my life for him, and he breaks off the relationship!_

Parnit suddenly felt anger and rage come over him. He swung his arms angrily, and answered, "I gave up everything for you, Tarnel, everything, to find out I can't kiss you or look at you without thinking of my true love, but we can still be together."

Tarnel looked at him in shock and anger. "Your true love?" Tarnel asked, horrified. He pounded a pillow hard with his fist, the pillow splitting and the feathers and sheets rippling on the bed, feathers landing in a gentle halo around the room. "We have been together forty seasons, thousands of marks, and your true love is another? Such betrayal, Parnit, I did not expect from _you_!"

More rage rushed into Parnit's mind, until the fury replaced all other feelings.

_I have given him _everything_!_

Parnit sprinted into the corner, grabbed a valuable crimson vase, and threw it to the floor in anger. The glass broke, shards of crimson scattering across the suite. The vivid scarlet stood out against the dull blue of the suite rug, causing the room to look like a horrifying battle scene.

Parnit stomped angrily onto the floor, his boots harmlessly breaking a shard of glass into hundreds of infinitesimal pieces, tiny crimson dots scattered around his dusty, brown, leather shoe. "I can't believe it!" Parnit cried. "You don't know _or_ understand what I have given up to be with you. I see that I can no longer make love to you, as now only Kertin will be able to do that with me. But we can still be together!"

"No," Tarnel cried. "You are filled with rage, and attraction for that silly servant!" Parnit stared at him, surprised. "Yes, I saw the way you looked at that servant, Kertin, I presume. You looked at him with love you have never given to me! No, I can't have a relationship with you. You have changed, Parnit, into someone I no longer understand and no longer love."

Tarnel began to run across the suite, leaving, when a sharp, crimson shard of glass lodged itself into Tarnel's bare foot, blood creeping over the gentle crimson and pink pattern on the jagged edge. "Look what you've done to me!" Tarnel yelled, as he ran out of the room, heading towards Healer's Collegium.

"Wait," Parnit cried, chasing after Tarnel. "I broke a lifebond for you, I will never be whole, and this is what you offer me as thanks?" Parnit sprinted down the corridor, chasing after the quickly fleeting figure of his former love.

-- --

Down the corridors and halls they chased, Parnit following the bloody trail of his former love, all the way to Healer's Collegium. Tarnel threw the door open angrily, venting his frustration, and ran inside, where a Healer lay him down on a stiff mattress and gently pried the shard out of his foot, swabbing the blood with a rag.

Parnit looked down at Tarnel, and Tarnel looked away, saying quietly, "I don't want to be with you anymore, Parnit. Leave me. Go!"

Parnit turned away, passing the remaining beds in the room on the way to the exit. He glanced over a fellow soldier, injured in the last fight against Karse, a Herald, injured from an arrow wound, and a servant.

_A servant?___

Parnit looked over the pale, dying body of the servant, and saw the face, thin eyelids shut gently over the emerald eyes, the strong cheekbones protruding from the thin flesh masking the skull, his distinctive amber brown head of hair spreading across the pillow. Parnit collapsed to the nearest chair, in shock.

_Kertin! Oh, Kertin. His gorgeous eyes will never be opened again!_

Parnit grabbed Kertin's hand, the cold, pale fingers limp inside his own warm palm. Parnit felt the last remnants of their bond together break, as Kertin died, his soul floating to the Havens.

_Goodbye, my love._

Parnit collapsed onto the lifeless, pale corpse of Kertin and began to cry, his sobs awakening the Healers to his plight. Parnit was lifted and carried away, his sobs rising, howling, echoing, and finally fading away, lost amidst the Collegium.

Parnit survived, but incomplete, thinking always of his love and the weak scar of the lifebond, that remained, ever present, within Parnit's mind.

Parnit died many seasons later, of old age. His soul was finally released from the weathered, scarred body, drifting up to join Kertin in the Havens, their souls finally together, but their close bond never returned, leaving only a memory and a rough scar.

**A/N:** That's the end of the 3 chapter _Scar of a Lifebond_. I titled this chapter _Endings_ because Kertin dies, Parnit pretty much dies (he's never fully alive, really, after that), and Parnit and Tarnel's relationship ends. And it's the end of the story. I hope everybody liked this story. I have one ongoing story, _Poison and Prison_, and another one shot, _The Death Bell_, in case you want to read them _–cough plug cough-_. Anyways, hope you liked this story, I enjoyed writing it. Thanks for reading!

Wind to thy wings, Breezefire


End file.
